Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Exploring a dream

Didn't have a good sleep last night. Tossing and turning. Plus, I slept around 3am, and woke up before 7am, didn't help the situation too. But why?

Maybe because I was wary of sleeping. You see, I've been dreaming that I'm exploring Sunway Lagoon Resort Hotel. Not Sunway Pyramid, not Sunway Lagoon, but Sunway Lagoon Resort Hotel. Weird. Worst off, I was alone. Without my princess.

Sunway Lagoon Resort Hotel is a big place, and you can easily get lost there exploring its nooks and crannys. I know it, because I explored it recently with my Princess.

How did the dream go? Well, I was walking around the hotel aimlessly. One thing that is glaringly noticable was the absence of my Princess. Usually I'd explore the hotel with her, but without her by my side, I was literally aimless. I went around walking through the halls, feeling a bit scared that she wasn't there to hold my hand.

Does this dream translate into something in real life? I don't know. And frankly, I don't believe it, and don't give a damn about it.

I will explore Sunway Lagoon Resort Hotel again with my Princess. I will have the chance to hold her again. I will have fun with her. I will have the opportunity to say "I love you" to her.

So what's the relation with my lack of sleep last night? Maybe I don't want to have that dream again. I'd rather have a bad sleep than a bad dream. Maybe I'm getting the fever. I don't know. Maybe I miss her so much.

As I woke up this morning, she called me. Hearing her voice...sigh. Her voice is a thousand times sweeter than sms. The simple way she said "good morning," the sweetness of her "I love you" made me feel better. It made me look forward for the day. It made me look forward for the future, where we'll hold hands together again.

Thank you, sayang.

Prayers for my princess and her mother.

RLC.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Of tiredness, gaming, and prayers

Haven't blogged in a while, and I guess now's a good time to blog a new one.

So here I am, using my bro's laptop in the dark. Damn, those typos sure pop up more often than usual. maybe because it's 1am right now. Well, 1am can still be considered 'young' by my standards. But then again, when you're bored as hell, you're prone to get sleepy.

Which is weird, because I had good afternoon sleep tadi, blatantly ignoring lunchtime. Why? I guess I was too tired. Emec and I went for a swim at Sg. Batu Pahat, around 14km or so from Kangar. I guess we were tired after all that. And maybe the tiredness still carries on until now.... I'll try to wrap up whatever's in my head ASAP.

My gaming world's kinda so-so nowadays. I'm still struggling to finish Resident Evil 4, and the progress was hampered by stuttering cutscenes in the game. It's the DVD's fault. I take Emec's later. To add insult, Emec already finished the game. This is why I struggled to finish the game. :p

I've been praying to my Princess and her mother lately. She needs all the support she can get, and this is the best I give as support. I'd prefer being right next to her, but I just can't. Sigh.

I always feel like she's the angel sent from heaven to watch over me. Now, I want to pay her back, by taking care of her. I'll give all the support I can give, and pray for her.

Frankly, this is the weirdest holiday I ever had. Emotional turmoil is the main dish. But, all can't be about sad stuff, kan? Of course there's fun things that I had these past few days, but (oh, I know she's gonna strangle me over this), I have this nagging feeling of guilt; why the hell should I have fun, while she's not?

But I know, when we'll get back together, we'll have all the fun, together. We'll go urban exploring together. Who knows, maybe we'll go to Melaka and see Lase after all. All this can be achieved. In the future. That's assured. But for now, just stick with the present. Work out your present state. Don't over-think it.

[DELETED]

Somehow, I wonder, am I a good supporter?

I want to be by her side, to give her support. To love her. To give her strength. But she's thousands of miles away from me. I can only give her support over the phone. I can't hug her. I can't hold her hands. I can't be the shoulder for her to cry on. I can only hear her cry over the phone.

Dammit, why does it have to be like this? I know this is a test from Allah. But for whom the test is for? Me? Or my Princess? What do You want from this test? Sigh...

All I can give her is support over the phone.

RLC. RLC. RLC. Forever.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Home, but not up.

I'm home already. The semester break. Three weeks total. Sadly, it's the monsoon season. So the outlook is rain, rain, rain. And even more sad, it kinda reflects me.

I know I shouldn't feel like this. I try to, but sometimes I get overwhelmed like hell. And it rains.

All I can offer is a prayer. I pray that she gets healthy, and that my princess be strong. I know she is.

in the meantime, I'll try to have fun. The games that was abandoned, my blog, my PC, et cetera. I'll try to keep myself distracted. For her sake.

I'll try to be online as much as possible. But I can't promise anything, as the PC is often hijacked for online gaming sessions. Sigh.

RLC.

Link dump:
http://www.codecoffee.com/tipsforlinux/index-linux.html

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Raya stories... or lack thereof

First off, Selamat Hari Raya to my readers. Maaf Zahir & Batin for everything, and thank you.

I haven't written a proper blog lately. You could say that the house was swamped by visitors or we were away visiting people. That's not the entire case, because we only have a trickle of visitors and I only visited a total number of two houses. Say what you want, I'm not gonna defend myself.

I guess this is where I tell stories about my Raya experience. What's there to tell? The family tries to cut down on the food consumption due to slow economics, although the booze count increased. Day one and two of Raya is kinda uneventful. Only money-grabbing kids came ding-dong'ing our house bell. That's not my department.

Oh, one thing I would tell, is that I had the sniffles right about noon of the first day. And it's still here. Yes yes, I should go to the doc. I'd tell more, but why the hell should I disclose my health to the internet?

Watching Pablo's Raya pictures, I'm glad that she had a good raya with her friends. Glad that she's smiling. Nothing else can top that. Cute baju kurung too, Pabs.

Gomen, had to run off to the kitchen tadi. Had to peel off the eggshells for the nasi lemak my mom is making. Oh, Michigan dude is in Kangar, and he's dropping by for a visit. So there.

In the meantime, what else should I talk about? Pictures? Naah, no pics.

I can't believe that tomorrow's going to be 6th. The day I go back to Shah Alam.

Heh, almost typed about my sniffles. No way, I tell myself. No way I'm typing up my ailments. Heh.

Ah, about homework. Basically, I'm screwed with the Socio paperwork. Ah, maybe I'll borrow Pablo's laptop and type up a miracle or two as soon as I get back. Maybe.

Really, cute pictures you have there, pablo. Say hi to dyna for me.

to Ibanez: Woi, awat hang senyap jer these past few days (or is it weeks?) I know la you must be busy doin' stuff. Hehe. I understand.

To Lase: Thanks for the raya wish. And you did a great job making those art. Can't wait to hear about the latest projects.

Looking around my tabletop, I looked at my surprise gift to my princess. No, it's not a teddy bear. I wanted to buy a teddy bear, but I-- aah, screw the excuses. I didn't get you a teddy bear, okay? I got you a SIM card instead. I would get you a teddy bear. But I tak sempat. At least, let me be your teddy bear.

Well, I guess that's it for now. The next blog update will be in Shah Alam. I'll be going there tomorrow morning, arrive around petang. Now, off to the kitchen.

RLC.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Family cat and selfishness

Emec and company came to my house last night for some gaming-and-supper. They had my mom's Bihun Sup. Praises all over from them for my mom. Heh. And apparently, Emec has a liking to the family cat, Jack. Boys and cats... :p

.......................

I want to say "I love you" to her. I want to tell her I miss her so much. I want to hold her hands, I want to smell her sweet scent of her hair. I want to touch her soft cheeks, and feel her warmth.

But I can't. Even though she's a phonecall away, I can't just do that. She's having fun, or as they say, "having the shits and giggles." And it's a good thing. She's having fun, and I don't want her to have anything else. I know what it's like to be in the company of friends. The literal "shits and giggles." Even that phrase can evoke a smile. :p You can just feel the fun from being in the company. I understand.

Because of that understanding, sometimes I'm angry at myself. Why? Because sometimes I feel selfish. I feel like I want her all for myself. I don't want her to have a good time with her friends, I want her to be by my side. Dammit, I hate this selfish feeling.

Thankfully I am successful in quelling this feeling. This is the worst feeling someone should have, and I am proud to say that I can control this feeling. I try to put myself in her shoes, and I know she deserves a whole lotta fun and giggles. :)

I guess why this selfishness floats might be because of not being near her, not being with her. Every sunrise reminds me of her, every beat of my heart only calls out her name. Man, I hate being selfish. :p It stinks.

I hope my princess is having the time of her life with her girls. This is her moment to shine in the sun. I bet she's glowing from the laughter her friends provide. I bet she's having one helluva tummy ache trying to keep the giggles from exploding out her tummy. I bet she's smiling. She always look beautiful when she smiles. I know.

In other news, Happy Deepavali, people. Go light up a firework or two. And Raya is around the corner too. The usual stuff will come. Oh, the booze count is up by one box. Oh yeah.

But somehow this year's raya is a bit of a downer. Yes, I have friends, I have my family, but I don't have my love near me. But all will be okay come 6th of November.

Ah.. me eyes are getting tired. Time to sign off.

Sigh.... I love you, sayang.

RLC.