Friday, November 24, 2006
Fingers on the Keyboard
It's been a while since I blogged properly. One could attribute it to a number of factors. The most popular would be procrastination, and the devil M.Right now I just want to blog. There's a bit of a feeling welling up inside me, and I want to let it out.
Pabs is going to fly off on Tuesday. And I'm going back on Sunday morning. All this is finalized so there's no point in arguing or talking about it. But what I want to let it out is the feeling of sadness. Sad that Pabs is going home, sad that I'm we won't be together for a month. Just sad.
On the last raya holiday, I can cope of being apart from Pabs. I'm okay with that fact. Then why the hell am I not okay with it this time?
The truth is, my dear, is that you're actually okay with all of this. You just want to express your welled-up feelings.
True. I am okay with all of this. We've had numerous arguments about this, and she's helped me preparing for the day. And yes, I do want to express my welled-up feelings.
...
I have to say, I enjoyed the year that we had together. Facing the challenges head on, getting into arguments and then making up, doing activities, and falling in love over and over again.
Seeing that cute face smile, it just melts my heart away. Listening to her laugh is like music from heaven itself. She is the best thing that happened to me.
Earlier today, I was at Sunway Pyramid doing some scouting. As scouting expeditions go, I prefer to do it alone. Because it's "scouting", not "dating". So there I was, scouting. I decided to take a break and just sit. The emptiness beside me was so powerful. I couldn't stand the fact that she was not beside me. I ran back home to see her. Sorry to say, I disturbed her sleep. Sorry sayang. But seeing her again was worth it.
It got me thinking, can I cope being apart from her during the holidays? Again, the answer is yes. I am prepared, and I am okay with the fact she's away from me.
I chuckled, thinking when the time she reads this. She'd get mad at me, saying that we've had this argument before. Yeah, I'm sorry sayang. That's just me, Mr Long-Winded Conclusion. Really, I need to break that habit.
...
The weather in Shah Alam sucks. (I actually don't know how to elaborate that statement. I think it sums it up nicely.) It always goes like this: a very bright and beautiful morning, and immediately followed by a big-ass thick, dark cloud, which in turns creates on hell of a thunderstrom. DAILY. Like clockwork. I actually have given up on doing anything past 3pm, because it will definitely rain. With thunderstorms.
Right now, outside, it's raining so heavily, I think I want to patent the tagline "Raining Anvils".
The thunders and lightnings ain't something to be happy about. But sometimes, I smile when thunder/lightning strikes, because there will be someone who'll be afraid of it. I know it's horrible to think that way. I am sorry. But to me, that person is an asshole, and an asshole gets what an asshole deserves.
(Yes, I am an asshole too, and I too get what I deserve. For that, I am repentant. I just hope that the other assholes repent too. But I guess their head is in their ass far too deep and too long to realize they're assholes to repent. Sigh.)
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On to the economic report. The economic summary of my life for the fiscal year 2006: dead broke. More money goes out than it goes in. The budget always run amok, even though I tried to wrangle it. Maybe I should ditch the flimsy string I've been using to wrangle it, and maybe start using the thick rope. It will hurt me, but it will keep the raging bronco controlled. Oh, I don't know.
I've decided to start working next year. I know work sucks, but I'll keep the motivation in my sight. The motivation? Money. I think it is a good motivation.
...
I don't know what else to talk about. My anger, my sadness, all dissipate away once I touched the keyboard. The only thing left in me is the vision of my love. I see her smile and laugh. I can feel her touch. I can feel her tight hug. I love her.
I love her so much.
