Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Smoke in my eyes
Didn't even think of even blogging tonight. Hell, even with the big story up our noses (the haze, baby) I'm not interested to blog about it just yet. But what made me fire up Notepad and start typing? Of all the news the world can create that I can choose, it had to be the MMU convocation.Now wait a tick. I'm not a MMU student anymore. I left that university for almost two years already. Hell, I never even graduated there, yet I come back to this one topic. I'm happily under UiTM's umbrella, soaking up (shitty) city life in Shah Alam. Yet, names of far-off places and of times long past floats towards me: Bukit Beruang, CLC, BBI, BBU, RSU, Stad, Apac... Weird.
Maybe I just can't forget that place, that university. The uphill road you had to walk to get into campus, or the sheer cavern of the CLC complex. Or maybe the foodstalls up in STAD, or (worse,) RSU. Maybe it's the feeling of angker-ness you get inside that FOSEE building (I heard they already moved into the new wing behind CLC. Coolness), or the Hi-tech feeling when you walk inside the FET and FIST building. Maybe it's the openess of the easily-accessible rooftops. Maybe the claustrophobic comp labs of Sigma and Alpha labs. Maybe the high steps of the pavillion. Maybe the dizzying heights (yet cramped rooms) of the hostel blocks. Maybe the serene beauty of the masjid. Maybe the road uphill to the peak of Bukit Beruang. I just don't know why.
It might not be the places and buildings. It might be the people. People, some, I see them as enemies. Most (if not all), I see as acquaintances. A handful, I see as lifelong buddies and trusted friends.
when talking about MMU, I always say that I spent my youth there. The times spent with those friends either idling around, making a ruckus, or just watching anime. All of those faces come from diffrent background, but united when it comes to anime.
I was young at the time, and never been apart from the family, let alone being transplanted into a different (and faraway) state from home. I guess I needed an anchor to keep myself rooted in my values and my humanity. I am proud to say that the lifelong friendship we have is my anchor, where I am once more human. Even if I could forget a name, I guess I could never forget a face.
Great minds think alike, they might say. With anime as our shared obsession, it is natural for a hobby to turn out into an enterprise. Using cyberspace as our meeting table, we collected the like-minded people. Our ranks grew. A new entity was born. You know the rest.
As time flies, so does the members of this tight-knit family drift apart. Each one flew to his or her own pre-appointed destination. This sort of destiny does not include the family being together. Torn apart, each floated away, like a feather in the wind. Where it lands, even the feather doesn't know. Go with the flow, they say. Although those souls floated away, the newborn entity refuses to wither away. Instead, it gained strength in numbers and in actions. Somewhere out there, the floating souls smile for the entity, and for the other souls.
It always happen. Convocation time. Especially MMU's. Hell, especially 2004's convo. The first time I was there. I was there as a visitor, not a recipient of the scroll. A good buddy of mine graduated. Oh how I smile for him. Hell, lots of familiar faces was there for the graduation ceremony. I smile for all of them. I'm not sad I did not graduate there. Maybe my real convo is in Shah Alam. As Dato Seri would say, maybe it's not my rezeki in Melaka. Maybe somewhere else.
Oh, what actually happened? tears of joy, tears of proudness. Proud that those familiar faces, those same faces that I spent my youth with, are now called graduates. Seeing them wearing that mortarboard makes me smile, which is hiding tears in the background.
And now it happens again. Although the impact is a lot less than the original, the tears really do flow again.
Don't worry, I'll have my own mortarboard one fine day later. Don't fret. It's just that your friends got to the finish line first. My time will come later. When the time comes, there will be tears for you.
Congratulations to you all.
(Now I have to wipe away the tears after typing all this up. Shit.)
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