Wednesday, February 23, 2005
So full of hate
[message to pablo at the end of blog]I am so full of hate today. I don't have the time to go around the bush and just go straight to the point. Oh, I'm having this massive headache, too. Head's throbbing, even the eyeballs feels pressured from behind. I know it means something...
To re-iterate the obvious fact, I'm so full of hate. Why? Of course, a girl, what else. Oh, before that. Yesterday's psycho-babble of "is she gonna follow us?" turned out to be a big non-event. She didn't follow, she wasn't even in the equation. Go figure.
Back to the hate. I've been hangging around with this girl. Not even tipped the scales in the Benchmark (and you know the Benchmark is the scaling system for me). She ain't my type. She's just a good companion to talk to. Plus, I'm still trying, trying, to get over [bleep], so I'm not into any fucking relationship for now. I don't want a fucking relationship, not even with this fucking girl.
A good conversationalist, but fuck it, she's the one doing the talking. Blabber all she wants and I just sit there quietly. Even fucking tried to dispense her righteous godly stuff. If I want those, I'd follow the tabligh, instead of listening to her crap. But nevermind, a conversation's still a conversation. And remember, I don't want a relationship, fucker.
And then this Monday I intentionally skipped the 10.30am class, just because. I did attend the other classes that day. Usually, the both of us always banter about burgers or some other foodstuff, considering it's Pasar Malam night. Well, she didn't even talk to me the whole day. It raised some questions inside me, but not yet the anger. Later that night I sms'ed her and she said that she was angry that I skipped class that morning, and forced me to promise coming to class the next day. Fine.
So I came to class the next morning. Even bought some candies as a token of apology. And y'know what? She didn't fucking come to class. I'm slightly miffed at this turn of events, but still not angry. I told her 'mate to scold her on my behalf for not coming to class. I know she's sick and all. So that's that for that day.
So it comes today. Saw her coming into class. I got the candies in my pocket, so I gave it to her. Put it on the table. And she doesn't fucking turn to look. Who the fuck are you, the Queen? I need to stand in front of you and curtsey? At least look at me and take note that I gave you the fucking candy. Now I'm already mega-miffed at this stupidity.
And don't tell me that I'm the one who screwed-up this relationshit. Remember: I don't want a relationship, goddamnit! And also remember, she doesn't even tip the Benchmark! She's just friend, a conversationalist. Somebody to talk to. Does someone who fills that shoe has the right to diss me? Fuck, I really hate the way she talks, anyways. A freakin' know-it-all. Didn't somebody said, "shut the fuck up, and know your role"? Who the fuck are you to play the "cold shoulder" game?
Somehow, I guess girls form a particular campus sucks. [bleep] was from that campus, so does her. And there are two other girls in my class who was from that campus, and both of them suck royally. I've heard bad stuff concerning girls from that campus. And I thought my girls from Melaka are bad. All I knew was that those girls have worse rep with each other. Good to each other at the surface, but poisonous behind each other.
Ah, okay lah. Enough for today. Oh, Pablo: don't try to tell anybody else, okay? I'm really asking you to keep quiet. Keep Quiet.
First post~!~!!!
Die the rest of you die~!!!!
*shoots everyone else*