Monday, December 13, 2004
If you just smile...
Smile - by Nat King ColeSmile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
Oh hell... How the hell I'm gonna start this one... Lesse...
First thing's first: I got my right index finger stuck at a door yesterday night while I was snooping around the premise. Now basically I can't type properly using my index finger. It hurts that bad when I accidentally hit the keyboard. I couldn't even hold the pencil properly to pre-write this blog.
Mmm, yeah. One thing that made me like [BLEEP] was that she's honest and direct. If she wants to say something, she'd have said it a long time ago.
Earlier this morning, I sent an SMS to her, asking her to [BLEEP] tonight. Somehow, I knew that there will be a negative answer from her, but I promised I wouldn't fret about it. I said to myself that if I got a negative message, I would just replace it with a positive thought and just live the rest of the day on a positive tone. Yeah, yeah, I'm positive-minded today, even if negativity's sure in the horizon.
Then I got a reply from her. Expecting a negative answer, I just braced myself. The SMS was honest and direct, just like her.
[BWAHAHAHA! LAME SMS DEE-LEETED!]
Wow. Wouldya expect that one.
Therein lies the dilemma, a simple one at that: should I go berserk or should I just stay positive?
It took me a few processing cycles to decide, but I know the decision I made was the best course action: I stayed positive. And gentlemanly. That Nat King Cole song never came to me as fast as this before.
It really hurts inside right now. But I hide it behind the smile. I just have to make a brave face. I'm a new person in Shah Alam, even though the old me is still inside. But I rather not show my old self. My old self should even not show himself here. My old self stays hidden.
Hidden, but not silenced. I really need someone to talk to. An outlet for me to let it all out. I want somebody I could really share with. I'm really hurting and there's no one in my vicinity who I could talk to.
Basically, I don't know where to go from here on now. I need guidance. It's pathetic for me, for I am someone who is capable of giving semi-professional guidance to someone else. Heck, I've even guided [BLEEP] thru one of her girl-dilemma things. And yet here I am, lonely and struggling, someone in need of guidance.
Sigh...I guess the trip to Sg.Besi didn't turn out well? Erm, no. It did turn out well. Just not the right kind of well.
I guess that was the coup de grâce. Good thing she was not being subtle about it. Really.
As usual, keep your head cool - going berserk will get you nowhere.
Heard you're going to Sg. Besi again this week, maybe we could meet there and have a lil chat. I might not be the right person to talk to but hey, if you need someone, I'm more than willing to listen.
For more or better prescription, I suggest you go talk to the doc. =/
On the side note:
Even though she's supposedly engaged to someone else, try to keep her as a friend. Don't shy away from her - act normal. Who knows what fate might have in store for you in the future.
Bleh, I'm not good at giving people advice. >.<